Alternate Version Blogfest Entry

I'm going to share my blogfest entry in a minute, but first I want to explain this photo. As usual, I was up and at my computer around 5:45 this morning. My daughter woke early, even though it's Spring Break, but I didn't realize she was up. When I came down from my office for a bathroom break, this is what I found. Sidney had transformed the hall bathroom into a crime scene. It's the first, I'm sure, of many April Fool's gags to come today.

Actually, this pic is a perfect illustration for today's post, since a crime has definitely been committed in this blog entry. The following exercise was prepared for Livia Blackburne's Alternate Version Blogfest. We were challenged to take a scene from our story and re-write it in another style.

Writing in other genres, or different styles, is hard for me! The grooves in my author's fingerprints run deep. But, in the spirit of trying something new and stretching the old writing muscles, here it goes.

This excerpt is taken from a short story called When Opposites Attract. I was already way outside my comfort zone when I wrote the story, which was penned for a contest that only accepted Speculative Fiction. Below is the original snippet, and then a new version written with the flare of drama/chick lit romance. (Although, even I don't think: (A)That's actually a real genre; and (B)that I hit my mark. :P)


Original Version

Marla caught up to him and matched his long stride. “No shit, Robb. But that’s not the point. The Federation did take over and you no longer have clearance to be here. Disobeying the Federation is an act of treason. If you’re caught…”

He spun on her, grabbing her arm in a vice-like grip. “Now why would I get caught?”

His tone was dangerous, threatening. How far before a stretched rubber band breaks? He’d already come close to the edge of reason with Marla recently, when he’d walked in on her and Steve. That day, he’d understood how people can snap, grab a weapon and take out a few well-deserving people. In the dark days that'd followed, he’d fantasized about tying Marla up, torturing her until she hurt as much as he did. He’d been pathetic, twisted by tormented emotions, but he’d gotten a grip on himself. He'd resolved to be content on hurting her in small ways every chance he got, with spiteful words and defamatory rumors, little pressure valve acts to release his emotional tension and avoid a massive explosion. But the pain was still fresh. God help her if she pushed him now.

Marla was the one to break his gaze. She looked away, hugging her files to her chest. He turned and marched on, though he was aware of her soft footfalls behind him.

Alternate Version

Marla caught up to him, the rapid-fire clacks of her stilettos echoing down the corridor. “Please, Robb! That’s not the point. You can’t be caught here; it’s too dangerous. You just can’t!”

He stopped and turned, his right eyebrow raised. “Now, why would I get caught, sweetheart?”

His voice oozed sarcasm. What did this pretty little thing know about Federation business? Not to say she wasn’t a bright woman, she was employed here, wasn’t she? His eyes drifted down from her face, settling on the rise of suntanned flesh peeking out of her low-cut blouse. Robb released a loud sigh, meeting Marla’s eyes again.

“I appreciate your concern, really I do. Hey, I have an idea,” he added brightly. “Why don’t I give you the keys to my Porche. You go on down and wait for me there, and when I’m finished here, I’ll buy you that drink we keep talking about.”

He noticed she didn’t blink her ice blue eyes. She’d turned down his advances twice already, but when you’re dealing with a goddess like Marla, it was worth another shot. His smile waned to a smirk in the vacuum of her silence. Time was wasting, but he gave her another ten seconds to decide.

Marla was the one to break his gaze. She looked away, hugging her files to her chest. He turned and marched on, though he was aware of the clickity-clack of her shoes behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you're interested in reading someone's entry who did a fantastic job with this challenge, visit Jen Brubacher @ Scribo Ergo Sum I loved reading her snippets and thought she really captured each different genre's style (she did three!)

And I hope you check out the other participants' blogs today. Find the Mr. Linky list by clicking HERE.

Have a fab day!