Friday, April 22, 2011

'S' is for...? (Crusader Challenge Entry!)

My son missed the bus today, so I had to drive him to school. #@%$&* congestion around the school!  Starting my day behind schedule.

Yesterday's 'R' word was Rage.  Thanks for the visits and guesses :))

Today, I'm combining my A-Z blogfest challenge with Jessica Bell and the third and final writing challenge for the Writer's Platform Building Crusade.  So, my prompt today is:

In 300 words or less, write a passage that shows (rather than tells) a character exhibiting an emotion/feeling/state of mind that begins with the letter 'S', and that incorporates the following additional prompts:
·                     you're scared and hungry
·                     it's dusk
·                     you think someone is following you
·                     and just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: shimmer, saccadic, substance, and salt.

Here's my offering:

Carmen’s stomach rumbling cut through the stillness of the darkening park.  She’d left raw steaks out when she’d stormed off.  A scolding voice whispered it was messed up to be more concerned about that than about hurting Ted’s feelings.  She shushed that voice. 

Scowling up at the last shimmer of pink in the sky, Carmen pictured Ted at home, lounging in his comfortable Lay-Z-Boy, that stupid textbook in his hand.  In her diva voice, the one she normally reserved for the stage, she sang out, “His eyes dancing a seductive saccade across the pages.”  How many seductive dances did she have to perform to get him to notice her again?  Since he started back at school, she’d become invisible, just a person to cook and clean for him.  Well, to hell with him and his dreams of being a scholar, a man of substance.  Please. 

She kicked a rock on the path as she walked, listening to it tumble along the cobblestone.  A twig snapped.

The hairs on the back of her neck bristled.  She spun around, but no one was there.

Carmen breathed deep.  Get a grip.  She fancied she smelled the briny mist of the seashore, but that was impossible this far inland.  She probably just craved salt.  She could almost taste those steaks – damn you Ted -- and another peal of thunder rolled through her stomach.


Carmen turned, eyes wide.  “Who’s there?” she demanded.  Her cotton t-shirt felt damp under the arms. 

Movement, in the shadows.

An explosion of panic burst in Carmen’s gut and she bolted for the park entrance. As she ran, her thoughts cut to Ted.  Won’t he be sorry if something tragic happened to her?  Misery would eat at him each time he’d speak her name, or tell people how important she'd been to him, all the while knowing in his heart how he’d ignored her, treated her like a common possession.  He’d realize he’d lost the precious thing she was.

Carmen slowed, and then stopped.  Turning, she peered back into the shadows.


Any guesses what 'S' emotion/feeling/state of mind Carmen has exhibited?  Won't you leave your guesses in the comment section?  I love hearing from you! *waves to Crusaders and A-Z'ers*

And please visit Jessica Bell's blog to read her 'S' entry, inspired by the same prompt word as mine.  See you over there!