Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count.
Inside a Fishbowl
The goldfish bowl teetered on the table’s edge. Marilyn jerked back her finger, leaving another greasy fingerprint. Inside, tiny swells crashed, sloshed backward. Marilyn glared at the fish. It hovered, serene, unaffected by the waves she caused or by her unwavering vigilance. She scowled and jabbed the bowl again. Too hard.
The bowl plunged from its perch. Shards of wet glass splattered across white, sterile tile. The goldfish floundered, gills gaping and yawning, sucking useless air. Marilyn’s mouth twitched. Balancing, she stomped, ground her heel. Lab coat-clad men scribbled on clipboards on the other side of the plate glass windows.
(100 words)
(100 words)
Check out other challenge entries by Crusaders HERE!
Thanks for reading!
48 comments:
I loved what you did with this prompt with Marilyn in a fish bowl of her own. Nice.
Great piece! Although I feel sorry for the poor goldfish.
Ooh, interesting. Marilyn's got some issues. She'd be a fun character to continue with.
I like how you've essentially created two fish bowls here.
I loved the bowl within a bowl. Nice!
Marilyn seems . . . nice.
- Sophia.
Whoa. What a crazy unexpected twist at the end! I loved it, thanks Nicole.
Oh I like it! And I love the 2 fishbowls comment too. Nice one Angela!
It's really what you've done and it's very cool, well written. Bravo!
Oooh, creepy. Very good!
Do you think Marilyn has some anger issues?
Poor fishy...
Michael
Oh, so clever! I didn't see that one coming till the last line. :-) Very very clever!!
Nicely done, Nicole.
Wow. This is interesting. I would love to know more...
Ah, very nice and surprising reveal at the end! Good job. My fave part: "...gaping and yawning, sucking useless air." :)
Creepy, twice over! And a fantastic twist. I love it!
Ah great take on the theme. Brilliant twist in the tale :O)
Ooh, now that's a twist. I'm really interested in this one. Part Two, please! :-)
That last line is SO clutch! :)
Nice. =)
Ooo, nice! I love the juxtaposition of the girl and those watching her. Great job!
Great job here! The last line was pretty brilliant!
Great job on the fishbowl within a fishbowl. That was unexpected, and well written (as we might expect from you).
Such drama in that goldfish bowl!
Jai
Wow, pretty violent! That last line though was unexpected; great piece.
This is definitely flashy Nicole. I love the imagery - 'shards of glass splattered...' Amazing how many stories we can craft from a few words.
Denise<3
Solid entry. I too am entering so we are in competition. I can say no more.
Oooh...loved this! So wicked, too. Yikes! :)
Very well done! Love the twist on the relatively peaceful fish bowl turn to defiant violence.
Ew. I do NOT wanna meet this chick in a dark alley ;)
Poor fishy!
Oh! She's scary, but I love the twist at the end!
wow! Major Creepy! BUT GOOD :)
I enjoyed every second of your piece. You used the fish's death to give a hint on another character's personality or state of sanity. :D
Oh my gosh! That poor fish! But I have to admit...that was awesome writing!
Nice! Another dark turn on the prompt. I like this look into the mind of very disturbed girl. Poor fish...
This is an amazing piece of flash fiction! I love the revelation at the end. Maybe Marilyn should have been nicer to that fish, seeing as she is in the same position... nice job!
Wow! Sounds like they've got her in the right place. Scary behavior from what comes across as a fairly young child. This was great!
Wow, what a piece of writing. One of the best I have seen, I think. So much going on. The wacko Marilyn, the double meaning of the goldfish bowl and the room, horrible amazing imagery.
Ooh...disturbing, but brilliant! I so didn't see the ending coming!
I like how the ending gave the real meaning to the title, that was awesome!
Brilliant ending - totally unexpected. Great job!
I loved the ending, and despite the fact that her behaviour in the first part isn't 'normal' I didn't see it coming. Nicely written.
Great job! Marilyn's pretty creepy, isn't she? Very nice way to spin the events of the story to include the men with clipboards. Adds some gravity to her creepiness.
Having read this, I understand why Marilyn would be locked up. :D
Guess what! You've been shortlisted in the crusade challenge judging round!
I like your blog! I'm following you. RuthieTootieWishes I have a comment about goldfish too, see it here
Brutal! Not sure whether to feel sorry for her or the fish or both...
Wow - great job with this! I'm thinking it's some bratty kid and then you throw the lab coats in - I'm intrigued!
Great job - I hope you'll revisit Marilyn - she's fascinating!
Double fish bowl.... nice.
Post a Comment