I have started and restarted Chapter One six times now. Each time, I get about 800 words in and stop.
I'm driving myself crazy.
I know I just have to get the first draft down. It will stink, most likely. It's supposed to stink. This is where I audition ideas, see what works, play with the possibilities. I'm not worried my writing will stink.
Yes. I am. Arg.
I want the voice to be right, that's all. And I think, maybe, this morning, I got it right.
Now, I've got to loosen up, already. If it takes six restarts for every chapter, I'll be eighty before the first draft is done!
What do you do to override the perfectionist in your head? I've tried timed writing, music, calisthenics between paragraphs. More coffee. Less coffee. Handwriting. Writing in public places.... I'm open to any new ideas!
In the meantime, I hope your weekend is full of sunshine and ignored inner editors!
46 comments:
Nicole, I feel your pain. Sometimes I hate my inner editor so much I wish I could just stab her in the head with a spork.
But that's kind of excessive, so I generally just walk away from whatever is driving inner editor crazy and drive, wash dishes, do laundry, or something else totally removed from writing.
Girl, I am the same way! My inner editor is terrible and never lets me work because she's always such a perfectionist. Ugh.
I'm not sure exactly what I do to combat these feelings. A lot of times I take a break from the manuscript itself, but either open up a blank Word document or take out a piece of paper and just write anything that comes to mind relating to the scene I'm stuck on. I'll write my objective for that scene and just jot down possible ways to get there (or even remind myself what I don't want to see in that scene.) And then, whenever I'm ready, I take a stab at it again.
I think I feel like less of a perfectionist if I toy around with ideas while I'm not in my actual Word document. That way it's less of a big deal if I write something that doesn't belong. Does that make sense?
Hope you're having a good weekend, my friend! <3
Hi Nicole,
This has happened to me a lot. You need to stop thinking and just write the basics.
First chapters are hard I know. they need to let the reader in on the tension, motivations and inner conflicts of the protagonist. Not to mention the main character names and setting. First chapters are a nightmare and I think they get the most rewrites than any other.
But. That being said - right NOW, think about what necessary. You can come back LATER and turn it into beautifully crafted prose.
Think of it like sketching a cartoon. You start of with the rough pencil outline, then you add the thick black outline which defines its shape and structure, then you colour it in, giving it life, personality, atmosphere.
I hope that helped a little! :)
Consider my inner editor ignored!
Honestly, and I know this isn't helpful, but I don't have much trouble with the inner editor. Between night-before research paper writing in college and a few Nano's under my belt, I've gotten quite good at shutting it up. I think it's a learned skill, like anything else.
Also, I write rather slowly, so I have time to stew over the words in my head before I actually write them. My first drafts are actually more like second drafts.
Just keep plugging along--mind over editor!
Sarah Jayne~ Spork! Hilarious :D I get great ideas while driving my car and taking a shower. Of course, jotting them down in both cases is challenging :P Thanks, sweetie!
Shelley~ I LOVE your idea of opening a second Word document for free writing. It's like a scratch paper, right? I'm going to try this! I can see how this may allow me to audition ideas with the pressure off. Thanks for sharing your awesome idea with me!!
Jessica~ I'm such a visual person. As I read your comment, I was nodding, ya ya, I know, I can always go back and add the magic... But when I pictured your cartoon imagery, it became solid for me. I draw, and the first strokes of a new drawing are always disappointing and lackluster. But I love working in the details, layering colors, creating depth. I have to embrace that process in novel writing. With my short stories, it's always been more of a one-step process. You've helped me see how building a novel takes the same patience that drawing does. Thank you so much for your comment!!
Alex~ I'm going to get there, just you wait and see! Thanks for stopping in!
Summer~ You're so right. Skills are honed through regular practice. I just don't have the experience under my belt yet. Short fiction is such a different beast. Thanks for the encouragement!
Oh Wow. Fancy that, hey? What a coincedence that you related to that analogy so specifically. I had no idea you drew. Wow, I guess we're on the same wave length then! Fantastic :)
I've done the same thing for exactly the same reason. I don't know if I have any advice that really will help (I'm constantly locked in battle with my own inner editor). However, once I've found the "voice" I'm looking for, the rest seems to go easier (well, the chapter re-start attempts gets lower).
Oh yes, I completely sympathize! I must've re-written the first chapter of the previous WiP a dozen times before heading onward to chapter two.
I've resisted revising my current WiP so far by writing longhanded -- and I'll only type up at the end of each chapter. I'll allow myself to do a quick revision during typing, but that's it. Chances are, I'll end up cutting out the first chapter or so of my WiP by the time I'm done, so I feel very wasteful spending months on it. :]
Good luck beating the perfectionist in you!
I had to come back and say thank you for the well wishes!
Villefranche de Lauragais, I think I know that place. Is it on the way to a gorgeous lake walk, which has this little river boat cafe? Never stopped there though!
I sort of feel guilty about being excited, but then I know my mother in laws love for France and know she would have thought it a sin not too be excited for France!
All my best!
What about writing with the intention of throwing it away? Yeah, seems to defeat the purpose, but it might work if you don't feel like the results are life and death.
oh and I mean canal walk not lake! (not that the whole Toulouse area isn't surrounded by beloved canals!)
Give yourself permission to write badly. To really really suck. Goal being to get words on the page. You can fix them LATER.
Breathe. Just breathe. And push. Push past the words you feel are clunky. You'll find your inner song. You just have to be patient and keep cranking out words.
LOL, I feel like a midwife. BREATHE! BREATHE! Hee.
Jessica~ Funny, right? Maybe you "get" me -- love that!
Jaydee~ That's what's happened today. I think I've finally captured my MC's voice and the words are tumbling out easier now. Thanks!!
Sandy~ I love to write longhand, but I'm easily frustrated because I can't go as fast as when I type. Still, it's a great technique to change things up. Words "sound" different, somehow, when I write them on paper. Great advice, thanks!
Mary~ Good advice! I've got a Word doc open right now for "practice writing to throw away." It's helping!
Annika~ YES, you can walk along the Canal de Midi just past Villefranche, and picnic too. So gorgeous! I'll be thinking of you!!
Karen~ Can you come over to my house and remind me of that, like, every ten minutes. That's about how long I can go before I forget :P Thanks, sweetie!!
B.~ Push, Push, Breathe. Push, Push, Breathe. This is going to be my mantra! Thanks, sweets!
I just know that it will get rewritten anyway, and this is the draft of having fun, exploring.
Now later, during revisions, I can't shut the inner bitch up. She's never satisfied.
I know that was of zero help, but, just have fun with the first draft. Also, I hope you keep all the false starts. Sometimes there'e a nugget or gem in each of them worth keeping, that can be combined and added to.
I know - it's so hard to let go of the perfectionist, isn't it?
When I feel that inner editor coming on, I just keep writing and push on through.
My inner-editor sometimes tells me to throw it all in the trash and find another pastime.
Lola~ I want your healthy attitude! And yes, I haven't deleted any of my false starts. I figured they're all I have to show for so far, so I'd better keep them!
Talli~ Push through...great advice. And it's sinking in...slowly and surely!
Pat~ You crack me up! I think our inner editors are related.
Push through is great advice. I've struggled with novel #2 (which I am procrastinating on editing by blogging ;-), and what has worked for me is -- doing another chapter, one you've got in your head a bit clearer. Doesn't matter if it's before or after Chapter 6; you can go back and revise as necessary. Write the other chapters down and then you'll have a clearer head on when you go back to 6.
Write or Die. Seems to work for me if I'm blocked, 'cause that kind of pressure hanging over me tends to motivate. (It erases your words if you don't type fast enough...!)
That, and don't bother editing until you've a few chapters done. The voice won't settle in for a while anyway, I've found.
Don't try to to override the perfectionist - ride with it. Say yes. However, read nothing except your wip (you can't have other voices running around in your head. Re-read as much or as little as you can get away with, promise your perfectionist you will re-write next time, and write on.
Good luck with the writing.
Wow, lots of comments and this may have already been said...
Just keep writing. Don't stop when you hit your block and focus on what could be better, focus on what you have to get down. Once you find your flow, you'll be able to go back to that first chapter and re-weave the little threads that want to keep sticking out. If you focus too much on the perfection of it, you will drive yourself crazy. I think I need to take my own advice. :D
Can't think of any advice right now Nicole, but best of luck to you!
I'm another one that doesn't have much of a problem with my inner-editor, and it's probably because I'm so dang stubborn. There's my editor, whispering in my ear to go back and change something, and I just turn deaf and refuse to budge.
So there you go, that's your answer, be stubborn!! :)
I write for my audience on Thursdays so that whatever I write down, I KNOW it's a first draft BUT it has to be fairly well written so I don't disappoint anyone. I want them to follow my story so I want it to be halfway decent.
Turn off your editor and write for an audience. Show someone else what you've got, even if it's crap, they can help steer you in the right direction. Then go, go, go. You only need one little push, then the rest is easy.
I, too, can sympathize, Nicole. The only time I've been able to override my internal editor was during NaNo. It suddenly became more important to spit out 50k words than to "get it right." But if I had to do NaNo more than one month out of the year, I wouldn't survive.
Currently I'm in the process of revising my query letter, and my internal editor is flogging me at regular intervals. :)
Have an incredible weekend!
It's hard to ignore the internal editor and just get on with it. I haven't tried this yet, but I know a few writers who turn their text to white. That way they can't see what's there and don't get bogged down by it. It would terrify me into believing nothing was there!!
The first chapter is always the hardest, I find. The only thing you can do, most of the time is grit your teeth and get down a first draft of it, no matter how bad it is. Then you can go on and write the rest of the novel and then come back and revise Chapter one. I'm on revisions now and am dreading returning to chapter one.
Jai
Oh inner editor - the bane of my existence and resistor of imagination.
I find that I have to do two things. 1. Keep writing even though I'm SURE that everything I've written is the worst thing ever.
2. DON'T go back and reread - this is the HARDEST thing for me. Especially when I've walked away from it for a while. I want to read it over and then I want to change it and then I rewrite and never get to anything else.
Good luck pushing through it!
I had this problem with my first book but not so much with my second and here's why I think that is- With my second I wrote a three page outline in terms of 'scenes' - what needs to happen in each scene. If any dialogue came up while I was imagining said 'scene' than I included that to because sometimes you don't remember the tone or what/how exactly you want things to come accross at certain points. Anywhew, then I just took each scene at a time and wrote them. It's true that you've got a 'get it all out there'. Editing and revising is a fun step all on its own. Not.
nano just taught me how to shut the editor off. Also, i like to keep a little notebook next to me when i'm drafting. That way if i come up with something that i know needs to be fixed, i can just write it down in the notebook instead of fixing it right then and there on the draft.
It was like a super compromise between my drunken muse and my sober editor
I am in the same boat, tied up in the same rope.
I am stuggling with how to integrate the backtstory with my present action, especially after participating in Fiction Groupie's Beta Club last week.
I've attempted a rewrite or four, but then I sat on my hands for awhile and reminded myself that it is okay to wait until I finish writing the whole MS.
I think my inner editor almost had a massive coronary.
I am in the same boat, tied up in the same rope.
I am stuggling with how to integrate the backtstory with my present action, especially after participating in Fiction Groupie's Beta Club last week.
I've attempted a rewrite or four, but then I sat on my hands for awhile and reminded myself that it is okay to wait until I finish writing the whole MS.
I think my inner editor almost had a massive coronary.
Lol, I don't override it. I let it take over and I, too, write my first chapter a bazillion times. It seems like that one is always the hardest, so once I get that one out, the rest come more naturally. Good luck with it!
Push through/just keep writing seems to be the main advice here. I agree! You'll get so sick of listening to the inner editor, you'll start to ignore her and just keep writing. You can always come back to that first chapter after you've written the rest. :)
Hi. I'm glad you found me today through Karen Gowen's blog because now I've found you. This is such a visually exciting site. Very creative! First chapters are the most difficult. Best to write something and then move on, because the first chapter always changes. The novel, In the Mirror, I wrote that's about to be published by WiDo, is an example. I let it sit for a while, sent it to a few friends who didn't tell me how weak the first chapter was, but I saw that it was and cut it completely. I just needed some time and distance. Hope this experience/comment helps . . . !!!
I haven't had time to read all of your poems, but I read the first five, and I'm impressed !!!! We definitely have poetry in common. Before I came into your site, I set up a page on my blogpost, too, that I called My Poetry, and posted a poem that won a grand prize in 1988, back when those contests weren't commercial. It was a stunning and welcomed surprise !!! In the next few days I'll add more poems to the page. And I'll read the rest of your poems.
You have to write and don't look back. If you don't see how awful the first draft is, you won't stop to revise it until you're done. Just tell the story. When it's done, you revise and tell it well.
Every manuscript I've ever written was always tough to begin. And each one has had the first chapter rewritten entirely after I finished it. Sometimes it takes a few chapters to really get a feel for the voice. The best thing might be just to keep going. You know you can fix it once you have more direction and a better feel for the protagonist(s). You just have to give yourself permission not to be perfect--it's the main reason I don't share chapters of an ms until it's done. I'd get too worried that it had to be perfect.
But good luck! And enjoy the journey. I LOVE starting a new story.
Hey Nicole! LOL! I always tell my perfectionist there will be plenty of time to be perfect later. Otherwise, I'd never get through anything!
I'm sorry the chapter isn't going super well. I'm told free-writing helps.
Best of luck. I'm sure seventh time's the charm. :)
I just tell myself the writing's going to be bad but I've got to get it down on the paper so I can go back over it and make it shine. If you're struggling with voice though, probably better to get that right before you get too far into it, so maybe the six restarts were necessary. I'm glad you've had a breakthrough on that!
I have no answers :). Only questions.
I just FORCE myself through that first chapter. I chapter one in every story I start. I've accepted that I'll later have to revise it, so I don't worry too much about the voice and whatnot. By the time I get to Chapter two I usually start rolling along.
I know exactly what you're talking about :) I have been working on my main WIP for two years now, restarted it three different times, and I get stuck at the same part EVERY time! (insert Lilah banging her head against the wall here)
I've tried everything, but the best thing that seems to work is to go at snails pace: I write what I feel should happen, put it away, don't look at it, and focus on what happens next.
That probably isn't very helpful...
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