Saturday, August 7, 2010

High Drama Blogfest!


     My entry for DL Hammon's High Drama Blogfest was originally written during a two-week long challenge I took earlier this year.  Inspired by a different photograph prompt each day, I was to write for exactly fifteen minutes.
     On this particular day, the prompt was a manipulated photographic image of a seductive woman stood poised, as if dancing, at stage right. She was almost in silhouette from the glare of stage lights.  But dead center was (obviously Photoshopped in) an enormous pair of heavily made-up eyes.  The immediate impulse was to write a voyeuristic piece of erotica, but the contest asked us to look deeper into the photo, up our bars, and find an unexpected story.  That's what I tried to do.  You decide whether I was successful. :)

Mama
By Nicole Ducleroir


My hand pauses midair, inky mascara wand quivering.  I stare at my eyes in the mirror, but all I see is the photograph of my mother, wedged into the upper corner of the mirror's frame. In my peripheral vision, she seems to be moving, swaying her hips in slow figure eights of seduction. When I shift my eyes up to it, she freezes, arms stretched over her head, her body’s curves exaggerated.

The photo is old; Mom could have been my age in it. The photographer captured her during some performance, in some city, during some tour. I don’t even remember when it came into my possession. It feels like I’ve always had it. 

I think of my mother and chords of emotion tangle up, choking my heart. She is a loving woman, angelic even. The scrapbook of my mind falls open to a random page, of her singing softly to me when I had the chicken pox, to distract me from tearing at my itchy skin. Mental fingers rifle through more pages; memories surge of us lying on a blanket in the shade of a tree in the park, tickling each other until our laughter lost its sound and we gasped for breath. Or the summer nights neither of us could sleep, when we’d crawl out the upstairs window and lie on the hot roof, counting stars. 

The tangle tightens, reining in my nostalgia.

Darker pages divulge… The mornings, too numerous to count, when I’d wake up in my frilly, pink bed and stumble to the kitchen, dragging my teddy bear by the arm, to silence broken only by the ticking clock over the sink. No smell of brewing coffee. No boxes of cereal laid out on the table for a little girl to choose. No sign of an adult, anywhere.

Or the late night jam sessions and long-haired musicians.  Flashes of frightening tattoos and the strangers who flaunt them, given free range of our house. And me, cowering in the shadows of the stairwell, listening to the sound of glasses clinking and smelling smoke, its various perfumes wafting together in a haze. I learned curse words I knew where vile even at that young age. And when I wanted Mom to tuck me into bed, she’d stare at me with black eyes that should have been blue, as if she didn’t recognize me.

More often than not, she didn’t.

A knock at the door startles me.  Mom resumes her dance in my peripheral vision, and in the mirror I see the door behind me open and Ted stick in his head.

“You’re on in five.”

I thank him and he closes the door. I go to stand, but my head spins and I grip the dressing table to steady myself. One hand strays to my still-flat tummy, rests on the coarse, sequined material. I wait for the nausea to pass, but it won’t. I glance once more at Mom as I turn and rush to the toilet.


(499 words)



l'd love to hear what you think!  Also, click this link check out all the participants in today's


Happy Writing the Weekend!

41 comments:

Emily White said...

I've noticed most people have decided to post intense, action scenes and I'm delighted to see a different take on high drama. This was so sweet and sad. I really connected with your MC.

The twist at the end was just perfect. Well done!

Sarah Ahiers said...

oooh very nice! I always very much enjoy your writing style. It sucks me right in

Pat Tillett said...

I loved it. Lot's of feeling in a short period of time. I'd say you were very successful!
Nice job Nicole...

Summer Frey said...

Very nice. I love your voice, and this certainly didn't disappoint--especially in the ending.

Unknown said...

This is very intense. The superficial memories covering a much bleaker well of remembrances.
You left me wanting to know more. :)

storyqueen said...

I'd read more, definitely!

Shelley

Stephanie said...

Wow...very nice story. I love when flash fiction can come together so completely!

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

You definitely pulled me in! Great entry Nicole.

Wonderful entry!

Visit My Kingdom Anytime

Liza said...

The best part for me was the very end...the anticipation of what it will be like to be a mother...can she improve on what she experienced...what makes her feel sick...the worry that she can't or the pregnancy?

Zoe C. Courtman said...

Hey, Nicole! Loved that! My favorite? "When I shift my eyes up to it, she freezes, arms stretched over her head, her body’s curves exaggerated." Beautiful job!

Justin W. Parente said...

I really loved this lighthearted appraoch to the High Drama fest. Your first paragraph especially hooked me, with the passage, "swaying her hips in slow figure eights of seduction." That is one hell of a golden description. You're very talented and I look forward to visiting again. Follow and subbing!

Thanks for the read!

DL Hammons said...

I started to point out some of my favorite lines...but there were just too many! This is an awesome take on high drama. It was so vivd...personal...affecting. It was awesome...but then I knew it would be.

Thank you again for taking part in my blogfest and adding such dimension to it! :)

Susan Fields said...

That was great! I love her memories of her mother, good and bad. Your really made this scene come to life.

Francine Howarth said...

Hi,

I was expecting good things on my way to your blog and, it's a fab snippet. So emotionally driven and yet atmospheric on two levels: past and present!

Loved it.
best
F

Lola Sharp said...

I love your interpretation of the prompt. You did take it deeper, and gave us a wonderful entry.

I too liked the figure-eight hip swivel line. Very nice touch.

Happy Weekend, Nic.
Love,
Lola

Unknown said...

You did a great job weaving in her memories and emotions of a mother she obviously loves, but failed her in many ways. I feel sad for your MC. Good job.

Summer Ross said...

the emotions in this hit home for me. I love how you gave both the good times to reel me in and the bad times to link me to the character. I think you pulled off your challenge. thanks for posting!

Charles Forgues said...

Yes, this is drama.

Very well done.

Nicole Murray said...

I really do love full circle type stories and the difficult relations between mothers and daughters.

The picture of her mother in that photograph swaying was a haunting touch.

I think you succeeded. Great job.

Jai Joshi said...

High drama is always fun! Looks like you threw yourself into the task of this blogfest.

Jai

Jemi Fraser said...

Nicely done Nicole - I love the reason at the end for her focus on her mom at the beginning. You can feel her emotions straight through.

February Grace said...

I'm with DL- if I'd tried to quote favorite lines here I'd be reposting the whole entry!

Gorgeous.

~bru

Terry Stonecrop said...

I love the build-up, build-up, build-up... And the end did not disappoint. Great scene!

Al said...

Lovely take on "high drama".
I really enjoyed this piece.

Portia said...

Oh wow, I love how you've led us though this story, given us not one twist but two, and completely immersed us in this world. In a short space you made us really care:

"And when I wanted Mom to tuck me into bed, she’d stare at me with black eyes that should have been blue, as if she didn’t recognize me.

More often than not, she didn’t."

Wow. Just ... wow.

—Portia

vic caswell said...

yes! that quote portia just referred to... that just BLEW MY MIND!!!
excellent! :)

Angela McCallister said...

I love how the story is complete in less than 500 words. Definitely one of the best flash fiction pieces I've read so far, and yes you were successful. You're a very talented writer. This is probably one of the best examples of "show don't tell" I've seen in a while.

Anonymous said...

Nicole, you have a gift for touchingly beautiful prose that makes us readers feel such longing. There were so many different phrases here that grabbed my interest! Fabulous job!

dolorah said...

A poignant memory. I almost posted with an emotionally dramatic scene also, and changed my mind at the last moment.

I like the reflective nature of this, looking back at her childhood, her mixed feelings about her mother, and then bringing it all back to the MC current circumstances. You show how life is a circle, family themes repeat themselves.

Well done. An amazing story in such concise terms.

........dhole

Sharde(Shar-day) said...

I think you were quite successful with this prompt. You went beyond the photo and created a intimate story. I loved the writing, loved the voice and loved the MC.

If you snip this, there's still a chance for publication elsewhere.

Sharde

j.leigh.bailey said...

Wow. That was fantastic. You got a lot of depth and emotion into such a small amount a text. Beautiful!

Mary E Campbell said...

lovely details and heartbreaking memories. You captured it all very well.

LTM said...

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!

I love the two sides to her mom--singing when she's sick but neglecting her later. Love the scared of tattoos image and then at the end! She's pregnant... and I guess some sort of showgirl?

excellent writing. Very cool~ :o)

Will Burke said...

I was wondering why an ever-present picture evoked such emotion in that scene, and you delivered beautifully! Thanks for the follow! I really like your lay-out here.

Unknown said...

Your MC rocked! I really connected! I loved your take on High Drama, this is such a wonderful piece.

PS I also love that you included 499 words... you are seriously amazing!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Your entry revealed a truth forgotten by many writers : the highest drama is found within the heart in conflict with itself.

That absolute dictum is not mine, though I do endorse it. It is the thought William Faulkner expressed in his acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize.

See? Your entry reminded me of the work of Willaim Faulkner. It was of that quality.

We are haunted by our past, by the mistakes of our own parents, and by the fear we will become them.

Or if they were loving and wise, we are haunted by the fear that we will NOT become them.

Thanks for your gracious comments on my entry. I am humbled by them. I wish us both success in our publication dreams. Roland

Carolina M. Valdez Schneider said...

Well done, Nicole! I love the circular nature of this piece. The way you ended it was brilliant. A little sad, possibly, but hopeful too as we wonder if she will be a better mother than her own.

Denise Covey said...

This is the type of writing I love. So enjoyed it. Lots of great description. Especially liked: I think of my mother and chords of emotion tangle up, choking my heart.Thanks for sharing..:)

J.C. Martin @ Fighter Writer said...

Very intense. Also quite sad. My favourite line is:

"One hand strays to my still-flat tummy"

Is that what I think it means? ;)

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Oh, I can see where this is headed! Good stuff.

Erin MacPherson said...

I love that instead of jumping to the obvious topics, you so creatively took the story in a way that no one would've expected it. I love that.