Sometimes I show up, only to find my muse has taken the day off. Those days are frustrating. Still, I write on.
I've noticed something interesting during this journey. The times I try to write something brilliant are the times I fail the most miserably. It's almost as if the pressure I put on myself stifles my creativity.
It comes down to ego.
When I break it down in my mind, I realize my love for writing comes from the soul, but the desire to succeed with my writing is driven by the ego. When you want something too much, it becomes an energy-sucking enterprise. A kill-joy. An abomination.
But how do you stoke the fires of self-motivation necessary to write every day, to push yourself and improve in your craft, without inviting the ego to the party?
For me, it takes constant self-surveillance. My internal dialog includes a pep talk playing on an endless loop, reminding me to indulge in the art form, enjoy the daily process, write what I'd want to read. It's okay that not every sentence is a masterpiece.
And sometimes, when I dismiss the ego, when I dive into the creative pool of my mind simply to enjoy its soothing waters, I tap into magic.
Do you find it challenging to strike a balance between pushing yourself and needing to succeed?
34 comments:
I used to write a lot more and faster before I worried so much about craft and 'the rules.' It wasn't as good in form as it is now, but it depresses me that my speed is gone and with that some of the joy.
Like you, when I let go of ego, my words flow and that's when I find the beauty. My first drafts are always great because I don't care what they look like. I'm just trying to get it down. Sometimes I find jewels, some days I find coal but it doesn't matter. At least it's down.
Oh, my ego is like this big -->
Do you see that? There's nothing there. ;-) So, my ego doesn't help/hinder the writing for me. I tap into magic just by writing, never knowing what will come out. Sometimes its good, sometimes its not. But I write because I have too. It is my release from the world. I'll fix all that other stuff later. LoL
~JD
Um, I have ego, for sure...but not when writing.
During my first draft, I just let the characters take me on their journey.
During revisions, I'm focused on finding the holes and mistakes and fixing them. It's more analytical.
The ego comes in when I let someone else read it.
The balance can be a struggle a lot of the times, but I find that I have quite the distraction now having my husband at home since he is working days again. It's so nice to have him that I find that the writing has been kicked back a bit. It's been two weeks, and finally on this third week we've created structure.
My muse might boycott for a moment out of anger, but will soon realize that she did want to talk and eventually forgive me enough to share her secrets!
Absolutely! And yet both things need each other. You can't succeed until you put your best out there. But it takes soooooo long!
Oh I can so related to this right now! I'm trying to work on a teen version of my non-fiction book, and it's a struggle. I'm lacking the inspiration, which is making this book pure hell to write.
Hi,
When it comes to writing I kick ego aside. A writer can't afford to have an ego, because if you got one it's sure gonna get beaten to a pulp at some point when your ms hits an editor's desk. ;)
Let your ego out when your book's in the bookstores, and even then keep it airing modest ego your fans will love you a lot more than if a self-obsessed ego shows its ugly head!
best
F
I definitely struggle with that! For me, it's all about just letting GO of the control for the first draft - not worrying about every single plot layer coming out just so, not caring if the sentences are clunky and labored. The revision is where the ego comes in - but usually it's right on time, and that need to succeed actually helps me polish what I've written until I find exactly what I was trying to say - and how to say it. Nice post!
I don't think mine is ego as much as a desire to create beautiful words for ME. I never actually thought about publishing until a year or so ago, and even now it's still a hazy future maybe.
I have a lot of practice at forcing myself to write well (English major), and I'm very familiar with my own voice and my characters' voices, so all that helps me get in the zone. That being said, there are still plenty of days in which I can't think of a good verb or adjective to save my life. :-)
This is a great lesson. I think letting go of the ego also allows you to relinquish your self doubt and just write.
I usually just write and fix a lot in revisions. And after writing group, you really have to let go of your ego and consider everyone's suggestions, too!
really interesting post.
i have to say i've never thought about my ego while i'm doing the writing.
my ego comes in to play when my beta readers give me feedback.
it's the struggle of wanting to defend "my baby" and getting my novel to a level that is publishable.
I want to succed, sure. But I find the stories I write best are the ones that just pour out, with no time for me to criticize or self-edit, and no thought for what'll happen to the story when it's done. That'll all come later.
I'd be dishonest, though, if I said I didn't hope for publication every time I sit down to write. I do. I want to succeed, publicly. I need to own that in order to be honest about what I do and how/why I do it. I'm not ashamed of it, just aware.
Success, though, would be much easier to achieve if I had more discipline. There's the rub, aye?
That is so true!
I love this post!
I used to write so much more before I succumbed to the ego, to worry about the craft. It's necessary; without the ego, my writing won't improve. But it can be paralyzing, as well. :)
I loved this post!
When I first began writing, I HAD to push myself, especially when it came to writing emotional scenes. But now that I've grown more honest with myself and less egotistical, I find that the words just come to me. However, I do still take a lot of time trying to figure out the PERFECT words. :)
What a great post! It's so hard so me to keep it fun despite my goals to get an agent, especially in this query process.
I've never heard of kill-joy before, but it makes the point so perfectly!
Great, thought-provoking post!
Hmm. I know I write better when I'm slacking off and fooling around. If I make myself sit down to just write, without any ideas in my head, I think I'd sit there wasting time. Probably an individual thing but it's fun to read how other people work.
I've found that the less I worry, the better I write. I put too much pressure on myself... most of the time, to be perfect and craft perfect sentences, paragraphs and chapters right off the bat. It doesn't work like that, though. And it has taken me forever to learn that. :)
Wow --you explained everything! I will have to battle my inner thought process and train to do this.
great post!
I love your point about not trying to hard. I think we written better when we just write :)
You make a very good point about ego. I think of it as there being two peole inside me. The 'big' me (where my ego is) and the 'little' me (where the more humble me is). When I'm writing I try to make the big me shut up so the little me can speak up.
Jai
I agree with you completely. You have to let go of everyone's expectations including your own in order to be truly creative.
I find too. when I try to write according to rules, it's crap. Sometimes we have to let the desire to do things 'the way they're supposed to be done' go in order to write our best material.
I think you'll find, too, that in the end, you can mould it to fit the rules of success anyway.
PS, your comment on my blog yesterday inspired me. If you can nip over today, I've posted the paragraph you inspired me to write :o)
I love your cartoon!
I think you're probably right about the ego getting involved. Sometimes I re-read something I wrote and beam over it like a proud mama over her prodigy child. LOL.
Psssst...don't forget to swing by and check on your blackjack hand today!
I hear you on the pep talk! I constantly need to tell myself to push through.
I do find that having a strict schedule and adhering to it is a great way to get over the whole 'muse' thing and to get in the habit of writing.
Yes, I seriously find it easier to write really late at night when I'm borderline sleeping. The part of my brain that's critical of my writing by day has gone to sleep and the words seem to flow (even if they aren't perfect). I always figure we can edit later!
Like you, since I've tried to be less clever, my writing has improved. Also just the act of constant writing makes me a better writer.
Hope your muse keeps making an appearance.
I think this is SO true! Creativity can't be forced. The moment I start pushing too hard, my ideas crumble. Great post!
Hm. Yes. I call it the inner critic. In fact, I just wrote about it in a post for tomorrow. I didn't think of it as ego. My voices usually tell me I'm not good, but maybe that IS ego, thinking I have to be brillian with every phrase, the first time!
It's not always easy to write every day, as you say, but writing my blog has given me the most enjoyment of late. I'm not meeting anyone's deadlines or expectations except for my own.
I think in my case my ego forces me to write better. When I'm lazy and taking short-cuts..."Come on, you can do much better than that!" rings in my head. My ego won't let me get away with putting down slop. :)
I agree with Lola's comment - in the first draft I just write whatever's in my head trying to get in the paper and in revisions I just fix it up as best I can. But when it's time to let someone else read it, then my ego comes into play - that can be a very nerve-wracking experience!
some days I find coal but it doesn't matter. At least it's down.
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