Dear Crazyhorse Editors,
Thank you for the opportunity to submit my work to your literary magazine. I have attached a PDF file of "Homage," my currently unpublished short story of 1,990 words, for your consideration. It’s the story of a young maimed soldier, home from the war in Iraq and struggling with the alienation he feels from his own country, who answers a call to heroism on domestic soil.
My work is featured in the fourth issue of The Writer's Bump E-Zine 
, and my short story "Mariposa" was accepted for print publication in the Writer's Bump Anthology Volume One (Copyright 2009 by Richard Lee).
I'm a former Peace Corps volunteer who, having lived on three continents, has many stories to tell.
Sincerely,
Nicole Ducleroir
Email: http://www.heftynicki@writing.com
Website: http://nicoleducleroir.blogspot.com
Looking forward to any comments/advice :)
24 comments:
You call it a cover letter mania. I think you are wise. It is not a mania but a valid concern. Your cover letter is your first impression. And if it is not a good one, you will not be given a chance for a second one.
I want you to have the thrill of becoming published again and that is why I point a few things that occurred to me as I read your letter. I am a friend.
Editors are rushed with more tasks than time to do them. I know your desire to be courteous has you making that first sentence that could be removed to better get to the meat of your letter. I think that sentence removed would improve your letter to the punished eyes of the editor.
Same for the words "previously unpublished." Since that is a given, unless CRAZYHORSE publishes previously published stories. I am unfamiliar with the magazine.
You were wise to give you publishing history. It tells the editors that other overworked editors liked your work enough to publish it. It helps prime the pump, so to speak. And your brief words about your background personalizes you in their eyes.
Come check out my blog and see what you think : WRITING IN THE CROSSHAIRS : www.rolandyeomans.blogspot.com
Have much success with your stories. I seem to have run dry on where to submit. If you could give me a hint or two, I would be deeply appreciative. Roland
This is also a good, professional letter. I only had two minor suggestions. First, it looked like the word "Iraq" had a "g" instead of a "q" at the end. I might be mistaken, could be my computer display. Also, I think you could remove the word "emotional" because you call him "young" and "maimed" in the next few words.
Fingers crossed for you!
May have missed a comment in the previous post, and if so, I apologize ... but note that unless they specifically ask for it, most magazine editors don't want a synopsis of the story. Some even get a little hiffy if you give one. (I've heard - I avoid summaries until forced to provide them. ;-))
The personal information sounds a more tailored to writing relevance now. I like it.
I've heard what Lindsey stated about a synopsis of the story, as well. You don't add them to a cover letter/query unless specifically asked for one. Of course, this just goes for short stories, since novel queries are different.
Also, you might want to find out who the editor(s) of Crazyhorse are. It makes it more professional if you address the correct person instead of random editors.
I only write novels, so can't speak to the requirements of the short story letter. However, if you are going to include a logline it seems like you have some verb and noun agreement issues. Usage of returned, struggling and who answers all need to be reworked a little.
The story itself sounds very interesting, though. Good luck!
Hi Nicole! Happy to help - that's what we're all here for, non?
Anyway, having looked at both letters, the second one wins for me hands down. I don't write short stories, so take this for what it's worth:
I'm not sure I would use the word 'emotional' to describe the story. I think when you pitch something you need to show why it's emotional with your words rather than label it in that way. Easier said than done, I know.
And a very very minor point - sorry, I could be wrong here - but I don't think you need both italics and quotation marks around the names of stories. One or the other.
But the story sounds very interesting and it's a solid letter, in my opinion!
Good luck!
I assume you wrote Crazyhorse Editors instead of redacting someone's name. If not you might want to consider the advice of a previous comment regarding that.
I would either drop the first two sentences or at least split them into their own paragraph.
I'm a college graduate sounds weird. Do you have a BA? BS? In what? Is it relevant?
I'm not a college graduate so I would be proud if I was one, but it sounds awkward here.
Otherwise I think it looks good.
The second one is definitely better, but I agree with Lindsey... I'd leave out the synopsis. Editors like to find out what the story is for themselves, or so I've heard. Let the story sell itself - you know they're going to read it. If the first few pages grab them, they'll read on regardless of your pitch.
Also - Short stories = quotation marks. Publications = italics. Short stories go into publications, so they get quotes instead. I would italicize the publications you've been in, along with the hyperlinks.
Good job! Show us the new revisions too! :)
Hi Nicole,
I don't have much more to add than what has already been posted:
- Remove first sentence
- If you are going to keep synopsis, correct the spelling and flow
- State your degree
Sorry I cannot be of more assistance.
Best of luck!
Shannon
So... I read my posts in Google Reader, and totally didn't see that you had two posts for today, so I already responded to that one a few minutes ago. And I have nothing significant to add, but I think this new letter looks great too! Again, wishing you good luck as you submit your story. <3
Really like the closing sentence. Well done!
And yes, check the typing of Iraq;-)
So many great observations and suggestions! Thank you all for the specific feedback.
As far as addressing specific editors, I didn't have any names. The magazine offers online manuscript submission from its website, which is simply a form to fill out and a place to update the PDF file of your story. I chose to include this letter in the "comments" section.
Perhaps I shouldn't have. Any thoughts?
Nicole, I don't write/publish short stories, so I have little advice to offer. However, Iraq is misspelled (you have a g rather than q), and your synopsis has a couple of grammar errors. (tenses)
Happy Thursday and I hope they publish your story!
Looks like everyone's hit on this already, but with short stories, leave out the synopsis. The cover letter is much different from the query letter. Cover letters for shorts are generally just to get an idea of word count and your writing background and contact information.
I'm posting an example of a cover letter I sent out on one of my shorts which was accepted and published. It was sent via email, but works well with the submission managers too:
"Please consider the attached short story “After Charlie” (1140 words) for publication to Colored Chalk's 9th issue.
I received a Bachelor's Degree in English from Vanguard University of Southern California in 2005. Recently, I had a short story published with The "Absent Willow Review".
I appreciate your time and I look forward to hearing from you. Please note that I am submitting this story to multiple publications, but will notify you if it is accepted elsewhere."
Short and sweet. Also some places care about whether it's been previously published, so I don't think it hurts to mention that your story is unpublished.
Oh one more thing! Check the masthead for editor names. If there's multiple just put the editor-in-chief. Usually the submissions get shuffled to intern/volunteer readers anyway, but it's nice to have a name.
I checked CrazyHorse's website. Looks like Garret Doherty is the main editor, but they also have a Fiction Editor listed. So I would use his name. :D
Good luck and stay confident! :)
I've never submitted a short story, so I have no idea! But it sounds pretty good to me and I think you've been given some great advice by people who actually know something, so I'll keep quiet.
Good luck!
Lola~ I cringe every time I think about that typo. ARG! And the tense thing, I mean seriously? Lesson learned: take my time, re-read, then ask some else to read, then read it again.....THEN click submit. :P
Valerie~ Thank you SO much for sharing your letter! OMG, you ROCK!! I know anyone visiting who reads it will appreciate your generosity too.
Natalie~ Your support in leaving a comment and letting me know your were here is just as needed and appreciated as advice!
I've never written a cover letter for a short story but think everyone's advice sounds good:)
Plus putting your publishing credits will work to your advantage. Fingers crossed and good luck :)
I know absolutely nothing about submitting shorts - but it sounds good to me :) Good luck with it!
I like the fact that this latest one gives a bit of a summary of what the story is about.
Dearest, I can't add anything other than my absolute best wishes for acceptance and publication and all my love. ((hugs))
I've only submitted short stories for kids magazines, I wrote the cover letter like I would a query for a novel. It's the same thing you would do for a picture book, which you usually include if the agent wants sample pages.
Good luck with it! It sounds great.
Sounds like you've gotten some great advice here - this was very educational for me. Good luck with submitting your story!
ahh, I wish I could help but I've never submitted a short story before. Well once but it was an online form and copy and paste. No writing needed by me.
Good luck!!
This is why I love online communities. There's great support and advice.
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