I didn't work on my WIP this week, taking advice from all you fab Followers who commented on my post Confused, and Hating It. You guys rock!! I felt uplifted by your words, more encouraged than I've felt in a while. Thank you, everyone, from the bottom of my heart!
While I sort through the new leads I've come up with for my novel-in-progress, I thought I'd share a piece of flash fiction I wrote some time ago. I've always appreciated a good twist, a line or a moment near the end of a story that turns the plot on its head. For me, the most clever twists are those you never see coming, the ones that throw into a new light everything you've understood about the plot and/or character(s).
The prompt for the following story was, "Tell a story in 300 words or less about someone who can fly." There's a twist. Will you see it coming?
Flight of Freedom
By Nicole Ducleroir
“So, nervous?” the man asked, tightening the harness around my torso.
“Terrified,” I confided. “But she finally caved, I can’t back out now.” I nodded toward my mother, conspiring with the helmsman. “She treats me like a child. I just want a chance to test my wings."
“You’ll be fine, she’ll see.” He tugged on the line connected to the chest clip, pulling me off balance.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, embarrassed.
The boat's engine revved and we accelerated. The parachute above me rippled noisily just before obeying an insistent gust and snapping open. Suddenly, my feet lifted off the deck. I heard Mother nervously cheering me on, but I couldn’t concentrate on the sound. My mind went blank, as if my thoughts couldn’t keep up with the swift ascent of my body. Adrenalin-infused exhilaration issued from the depths of my soul, eradicating my fears. I unclamped my hands from the straps, and spread my arms open wide.
For precious fleeting moments I was a sylph soaring through the balmy air, freed from the heft of my oppression. Time was irrelevant; the past and the future ceased to exist. The heady perfume of thalassic air intoxicated me. I heard howls of carefree laughter, yet didn’t recognize my own voice. It was over too soon.
I was immediately aware of my descent. The world came back into focus for me. I heard the boat below, and Mother’s overprotective voice urging the crew to be cautious. Spray from the wake diffused a mist of sea water on my face as I was reeled in; I tasted salt on my lips. Assisting hands pulled me to the deck.
“How was it?!” gushed Mother.
“Amazing!” I beamed.
“Here,” she said, “I’m handing you your cane.”
My smile quavered as I reached out to accept it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I'd love to hear your reactions to this flash fiction piece. Also, how important is a twist at the end of a story?
18 comments:
Great twist. I didn't see that one coming (pun fully intended!!).
I think twists are vital to any story. They make a story interesting and keep the readers hooked.
That being said, a twist can't be too far out of left field. You don't want your reader to be scratching her head. The twist in this flash piece, however, wasn't like that. It was nice surprise.
I liked it.
I really enjoy your writing style. It's very smooth.
This was a great little story. You managed to show that there can be a great twist and still have a Happy Ending :)
I liked the surprise ending. I also felt like I was flying for a moment. You are a great writer.
Nice little story Nicole. Great twist! You never cease to amaze me with your vocabulary.
Love the cliffhanger ending! Endings need that powerful draw.
This is wonderful! I certainly didn't expect that twist. Very captivating writing style, too.
Also, I love your previous post about you and your husband. Beautiful.
J.M.~ Thanks for stopping in! I agree with you: If a twist comes at you from left field and confuses the story more than enhances it, it's no good.
Tara~ I was hoping the "feel good" aspect of this story would come across!
Roxy~ Thank you SO much!!
Piedmont~ That's such a high compliment, thank you so much!!!!!
Tamika~ I totally agree. Thanks for stopping in!
Shelley~ Thanks for reading both posts! I appreciate that you've signed on as a follower, too. Welcome!!
I loved it! I didn't see the twist coming and I am a Lover of Twists. The more twisted, the better!
I do love your writing style and I always look forward to more. Nicole, when you get that book published, I will be first in line to buy a copy!
I love the rhythm here, and use of assonance and consonance in some of the lines. Really lovely.
I have an award for you on my blog, one you've had before, so don't feel any pressure to pass it on again.
Erin~ Thank you so much!! And I'm with you, I LOVE a good twist that I don't see coming. The enjoyment factor goes through the roof!
Laurel~ Ooh! You're a poetry appreciater like me! Thanks for picking up on my word choices!!! And thanks for the blog award :))
Great story. The twist was a complete surprise, even though I was trying to anticipate.
A beautiful twist. I can't even imagine parasailing while blind, but felt the exhilaration of your character here. Great job.
Nice twist. Unexpected. The whole story was very nicely done. Me likes!
Anthony~ Good!! That's what I was after :D My favorite twists are the ones you don't see coming, even if you're looking out for them. Thanks for reading!
DL ~ Thank you so much!!
Joanne~ What intrigued me while writing this was finding as many sensual descriptions for the character, without relying on sight. My aim was to put readers in the story by describing the feel of the wind, the sound of the boat, the taste of salt water, the sensation of flying and the sensation of descent -- yet spring the twist at the end so people think, "Oh yeah, she never said what anything looked like."
Thanks for stopping by and reading!
Wow! This was great, Nicole. I didn't see that coming. I love little twists in stories that you would never expect. Great!
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That was wonderful, not the twist I expected.
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